Lost
by madelita
Summary: The story where Kid wants Pandora for a completely different reason. A story where he just wants to be alive again. Unfortunately, it's never that easy. DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

_So yeah, this thing happened. Forgive me if it's crappy, but boredom kills me. Also, I had no beta or anything, so... forgive me if I made any mistakes._

 _I had this idea for a while now, but my lazyness held me back._

 _Please enjoy~_

* * *

If he still had needed to breathe, Kid would have sighed. A long, loud sigh. Another successful heist, and yet another failure. He stole the Swan Lake Tiara – a breathtaking piece of art, with all of its diamonds and silver swans – but he still couldn't find Pandora. He let the it fall on the ground with a disappointed grimace, for a moment not worrying whether the tiara was still in one piece. He felt the need to sigh again, but since he wasn't breathing anymore, he just remained there. Floating, a feet above the ground.

It was strange, being a ghost. He missed so many things from the time when he was alive, things he always loved, things he didn't realize he loved, things he didn't notice before. There was taste of chocolate ice cream, the warmth of the Sun on his skin, the light touch of snowflakes on his nose, the way the wind played with his hair. His family, his friends, his classmates… There was a girl, too, her name was Ao… Ao-something. He couldn't remember anymore. Slowly, but surely he forgot everything, and only a dull longing remained in their place, and the will to live again. It wasn't as painful as he thought it would be, though. Being a ghost made everything smaller, less important, less intense. Things didn't hurt as much anymore, as time passed.

He had been dead for almost two months now. One of Snake's subordinates got him, and there was no gem in his breast pocket to save him. Not that it would've saved him, the sniper didn't aim for his hear. It was a precise headshot, nice, clear. He died instantly. Kid was kind of grateful, at least he didn't have to bleed out in some shady alley – this is how he usually imagined his death. At the same time, it kind of pissed him off, since he had no chance to be saved this way.

He raised a transparent hand to massage his temples, then he realized that he didn't really need to do that anymore. He couldn't feel headaches, anyway. He scowled again.

He needed to find Pandora, even more than before. It was the only thing that could resurrect him. But until then, he had to make use of what he had, so he "picked up" the tiara again, letting it float above his palm, and jumped off the rooftop.

.

To the world, neither Kuroba Kaito, nor Kaitou Kid were dead. Sure, there was a high schooler who went missing and the police had been looking for him for weeks until they gave up, but his alter ego was never better. His heists baffled the police even more now, with his insane tricks and the way he always managed to escape – it wasn't too hard, since he had no body anymore. Or, at least, it wasn't connected to his soul anymore.

The body of the missing teenager was hidden in an old warehouse, where the temperature was just cold enough, the air wasn't too humid or too dry – perfect to store a dead body. Now, two months were still a bit too long, but Kid found a solution to that as well – said solution just left the warehouse five minutes ago.

Her name was Koizumi Akako, and she was a witch. A witch who was too easy to possess. She never noticed when Kid approached him, and it wasn't difficult to control her body, she barely resisted. All he had to do was look through her head and find a spell that could preserve a dead body, get everything that would be needed for said spell, then take her to the warehouse. When they were finished, he made sure to erase all of Akako's memories about the place, send her to some far away place, and let her go.

Kid was used to possessing people, really. It never really clashed with his morals, he never hurt anyone after all, he merely borrowed their bodies for a while. In fact, he enjoyed doing it. It was better this way, since he would've had to continue it, even if he didn't like it. Maintaining the warehouse, replacing the things he took from Akako, these all cost money, way too much for Kid's liking.

He floated over to the phone booth in front of the warehouse, and let his palms pass through the phone. One, two three-

"Where is it?" a voice rasped on the other side. Kid felt the need to let out another sight, because some people just had no manners at all.

"Good evening to you too." Kid said, voice muted and hazy. "I already sent someone." And he was telling the truth. He indeed sent someone, an old lady, unremarkable, a gray mouse, unnoticeable. No one would pay attention as her possessed body stumbled through the crowd to reach a big apartment complex. In her old bag there was the Swan Lake Tiara. Kid almost felt bad for selling it to some almost-yakuza jackass, who could never appreciate it. But then he remembered his reward – money, enough to maintain the warehouse, enough to buy new herbs and other, quite suspicious things for Akako, enough to save his body and his life along with it.

"Tell your man to bring it to the penthouse on the 20th floor. I'll give them the money." Kid didn't know what was worse, that the guy thought that he was cunning while his mind couldn't even rival a chimpanzee's, or that he believed that Kid was on the same level too. Nevertheless, he let out a friendly-sounding chuckle.

"As we agreed," Kid said, and his voice was just a tiny bit louder and clearer than before, "it'll be on the second floor, under the bench by the elevator. Take your baggage and leave the money there."

"You brat-"

"You want that thing, don't you? Then do as I say." He only received a grumble and a "Fine" pushed through his "customer's" teeth, then the phone call ended. _This won't do_ , he thought to himself. Even if that guy agreed, there was no guarantee that he wouldn't just take the tiara without paying, and perhaps shoot the old lady.

He looked back at the warehouse. He was always so reluctant to leave that place, he didn't like that his body would remain there unguarded. If some bastard decided to stumble in while he was away – his shell, the only thing that linked him to the world of the living would be gone, either because it was damaged or because the police would take it from him. Instead of the twisting of his stomach he felt something dark and heavy settle on his mind.

In the end he had to leave. Even as a ghost, he had his morals, he couldn't let that woman get hurt while she was possessed. He flew through the city and found her pretty quickly. He knew her route after all. Fifteen minutes later they were already in front of the apartment complex.

Kid floated right behind the old lady, ready to take out anyone. They passed through the main entrance, then went to the second floor. It was good that he could be a bit more reckless as a ghost using different people, he spared time with it. The old lady, with slow, a bit jerky movements, that was so typical of possessed humans, put the bag under the bench, then left the corridor.

They only waited ten minutes before they went back – the bag was already replaced with a black suitcase. After that the ride down the elevator was nothing, and for a moment Kid let himself smile. _That grump maybe stayed true to his word._ He only smiled wider when he spotted a man near the entrance in a black suit. _Or maybe not._ It didn't really matter, in a second Kid floated over to the man and put him to sleep. The man wouldn't be hurt, but he'd probably have a pretty bad headache when he woke up. It was fine.

But it wasn't fine when Kid suddenly felt something ripping, something tearing itself out of him, out of his soul, and he wanted to clutch his heart, but his fingers passed through his own body. A part of him was slipping away, and the sensation was so overwhelming, that he just stood there, chest heaving even though no air entered or left his lungs. His eyes were wide and frightened, and for a moment he swore he could feel the phantom beats of his heart loudly thumping in his hollow chest.

The air was suddenly scorching hot and dry, so much that Kid wanted to scream out. He… he wasn't supposed to feel this. Then it dawned upon him, and he began to panic. His body…! What's happening to his body?

Without a second thought he left the old woman behind, and flew towards the warehouse. An orange light led the way, and as he got closer he realized… it was fire. The whole warehouse was on fire. It was swallowed up by the crimson flames, the firemen could do nothing against it. The police, too, was useless, and the officers watched in horrified awe as the fire seemed to climb higher and higher in the sky.

Kid passed though the crumbling walls, frantically looking for his body, while the flames burned him. He felt himself slipping, drifting, fading. A while ago, when he talked to a ghost he met, they told him that this was the feeling one gets when the soul and the body are separated. When the link is torn between the two. No. No, this couldn't be…

And there it was, in front of him, just a scorched lump in the corner, blackened as the flames ate it up – his own body. Kid finally let a scream out.

.

"It hurts… Father… Father, I'm burning, it hurts…" Kid whimpered next to the burnt out warehouse. He was curled up – has been since last night – and refused to move. He still floated, slightly higher than before, and he despised the distance between him and the ground.

It was still early in the morning, yet the police was already there. No wonder, as they finally, after two months managed to find Kuroba Kaito. Or, at least, what was left of him. Kid remembered that newbie firefighter and his shout, when he found him. He remembered the way he began sobbing, the way his will to do anything left him. There were so, so many things he needed to do, he had his whole life ahead of him, and now… He was useless!

Hours passed since the fire was put out, and he still felt the flames on his skin. He wondered if the feeling would ever pass. Something told him it wouldn't. Ever since then he'd been whimpering, muttering to himself, while a strange bitterness bubbled up in him. Vaguely he was aware what was happening to him – he was becoming a vengeful spirit. A part of his mind begged him to keep conscious, to stay calm, but he didn't really care anymore.

His ghost form has changed already – his white cape looked burnt and tattered, his monocle was shattered, and his hat simply disappeared. His skin, which was sickly pale before, had black spots on it, like soot.

He heard an investigator talk to someone else – it took some time, but they realized that it wasn't the fire that killed him. The bullet was still in his head. The investigation in the case of Kuroba Kaito began again, but it wasn't easy. Kid, he could've helped them, he could've manipulated people, possess Snake or his subordinates, make them tell the truth, oh, he could've done a lot of things. But he didn't care about what would happen anymore.

"Father… It hurts… It hurts so much…" he whimpered again, curling up even more. He didn't know how, but he was crying. He even felt the tears rolling down his cheeks. What else could he do, now that his body was gone?

"I found something." Someone walked through him, and he felt a shiver. He raised his head, slowly, tiredly.

It was… him. No, it wasn't quite right, this was a different person, he had to be, because Kuroba Kaito was dead, and this person was speaking, breathing, living… But he looked so similar, so familiar…! Kid inched closer to him, just a bit, then moved a bit more. In the end, he was floating right behind the guy.

"Ah, Kudou-kun!" someone exclaimed behind them. Kid tilted his head. Kudou? That was the guy's name? It made him even more familiar, but he couldn't even imagine the reason. And then this new guy, who wasn't him, turned around, and Kid could finally see his face completely.

He smiled as something dark settled on his mind.

He found a new body for himself.


	2. Chapter 2

_So yeah... I promised myself that this wouldn't happen, and look. It happened. This story gets another chapter. Blame or bless Hebiaczek for it :D_

 _But to be a little more serious, I must say that I never planned to continue this, even though some people asked me to. But I got some ideas, and well... here I am. I actually must thank Hebiaczek for listening to my ramblings and helping me with my ideas, it made everything a lot easier._

 _Because of what happens in the story, and what the characters go through, I'd like to tell everyone to expect general OOC-ness. So please, don't jump at my throat, if something is outrageously OOC, I probably know it, and it all happens for a reason._

 _Also, I finished this around 3 a.m., so... take it as you wish :D_

 _Please enjoy~_

* * *

Something like joy bubbled up inside Kid in the moment he saw his doppelganger. It wasn't quite that, as it felt darker, grimier, but he knew that he wasn't supposed to complain. Being so lucky, finding a new body so soon – it had to be a miracle.

He was tempted to just to just possess the boy right then and there, but the last bits of his common sense held him back. He knew the risks of controlling one's body – if it's someone with a strong mind, it might take a while, and until then the body is just left there, like a lump of meat that was useless. And Kid would've been disappointed if his doppelganger didn't have a strong mind. The guy practically wore his face, after all.

So he waited. An entire day has passed, until the cops decided that his target apparently needed a break. He in return mumbled something about "immune system" to himself, but no one really heard, and no one really cared. And it was fine, because it meant that finally the time has come for Kid. He was getting bored of listening to details of his death that he already knew, deductions that didn't interest him, and meaningless chatter. The only thing that got his attention was his new body, and the soul who currently occupied it – he was brilliant, Kid had to admit. He almost felt sorry for him, for kicking him out like this, but only almost. Whatever this boy named "Kudou" had planned to do with his life, Kid's plans were far more important, he decided.

They left the crime scene, Kid floating just a few steps behind his doppelganger, watching his every move. He couldn't let this body die, not when he just found it. But he was also watching him to memorize how he moved, to remember every little detail and habit he could just notice. Kid was no fool, he knew that now that they found his body, with a bullet in his head and burned until it was charred completely, he couldn't return to his own life so easily. He had to use this other boy too, his life, and everything he had.

And for what purpose? For revenge, obviously. Snake and his men had to die, had to burn like he did, like his fa-… _Who burned and when, again?_ Kid stopped for a moment, floating in one place. It was him who burned, right? He saw his body, embraced by flames, as the fire ate up the warehouse he was in. Yes, it was him. That's why Snake and everyone around him had to burn too.

Somewhere, someone asked him not to do it. He heard a voice, so similar to his own, breaking down and begged him to leave Snake alone. To give up on the slaughter he was planning. "Just find Pandora", they said. "Just find it and destroy it, don't dirty our hands." Kid pushed the voice away – he didn't need it.

He went after his body again. It was so easy to call it "his", to feel as if he owned it, even though it wasn't in his possession yet. There were movements he had to erase, a look he had to change, a voice he had to make lighter, but it was so similar, so close to him that it couldn't have been anything but fate that he found it. And Kid was grateful, so grateful for it. He promised himself that he would take care of the body he got, he would be careful and pay attention to everything. (Deep inside he knew he'd be just as careless as he was before, but he tried to deny it.)

Suddenly Kid's doppelganger turned around. He just stood there, staring at… something. For a moment, Kid was worried that he got spotted, but the other boy's eyes weren't focused on him. They looked past, or rather, through him. It took him a moment to realize that Kudou noticed him, he just couldn't see ghosts. He smirked. He would expect no less from the occupant of his body. After about a minute, Kudou got bored of just staring into nothing, so he turned back and started walking again, but Kid saw how tense he was – the boy was wary of him. Good.

"Snap out of it, Shinichi." he heard the boy mutter to himself.

Kid hummed softly to himself. So that was his name. He tried it out, silently mouthing it, murmuring it, saying it out loud – he decided that he liked it. Though there was something disturbing about it – the more he repeated that name, the more he felt as it stirred something up in his memories. He couldn't get out more than just flashes and flares of emotions though: it was dark, evening or night, but he also saw blinding lights, the wind was harsh, and he was giddy, so giddy with joy and excitement. Kid decided that if he had more time, he would gladly spend some with getting to know who this "Shinichi" was to him. But he didn't, so he put an end to his wandering thoughts.

They arrived at a mansion. Kid first thought that they were just going to walk past it, but his doppelganger just calmly walked in there, as if he owned the place. Which he did, as it turned out. And that's when Kid started to worry. _Does he have servants too? Will I have to wait until everyone goes to sleep? Do I have to shut them up? And gag this body too? If we're discovered before I take control, it could be fatal!_

His worries ceased, though, when he saw how lonely and quiet it was inside. There wasn't anyone in there, no servants, not even parents or caretakers or just… any other human being. Kid watched Shinichi with a small, sad smile.

"You poor, lonely soul, you…" He shook his head slowly, before he raised it again, and smirked. "Don't worry, you won't have to feel alone anymore." And he stepped closer to the body.

"You won't have to feel anything at all."

* * *

It was like standing among a billion spotlights and bearing their light. Kid sought shelter, but all he could find were sharp edges cutting into him, razor-like thoughts that buzzed past with the speed of a shooting star, but cold as ice. So this was the mind of a genius.

Kid couldn't say that he liked it. While he was in awe from the knowledge he could find, and he was fascinated by the fact that he knew everything Shinichi did, being inside such an icy and almost inhuman mind was unsettling. It felt nothing like a teenage boy's mind – it was like being in a crystal. He could see its beauty, but the insides were uncomfortable. Everything was… frozen. Facts, rules, consequences, common sense – all in ice, just to be remembered and preserved as they were. Deductions – wires and shooting stars, trains, daggers.

Since it was so bright, Kid couldn't really decide how the place really looked like, but it resembled a library. He went to look around in the end. The thick layers of ice seemed to thaw under his feet, and by his touch whenever he took a book to look through it. There were so many that it would've taken years to see and read everything, so he decided that he'll just flip through the pages for now.

He couldn't find memories, though, just facts, listed up, explained and organised. Half of the library was free from ice as he waltzed through the long lines of bookshelves, but they were nowhere to be seen. Kid was getting just a little impatient – no matter how clever, how intelligent this Shinichi was, he had to have memories, and they had to be there!

And then he found a little red shelf. It was hidden under even thicker layers of ice, concealed by strings of wires, but Kid struggled his way through them to see it. Books, rather thick ones sat there, but unlike the others, these were labelled by names, and with someone's handwriting. It looked quite blocky and neat, but it was still handwriting. This is what gave Kid hope. So he took them out, just randomly and opened them one by one.

They weren't memories either, but instead, organised facts about people. But it was all so detailed that Kid decided that Shinichi probably knew these people. And each book had a picture (or sometimes multiple ones) about the person they were about. So many kinds of people, all of them intriguing in their own way – a little girl with cold and surprisingly mature eyes, a middle aged man with a moustache and a worn look, a young woman with pretty, curly hair, a tanned young boy, and a girl who-

"Ao-"

" _GET OUT!"_

* * *

Though only for a moment, Kid felt as if something grabbed him. Not just his shoulders, his arms, or his ankles, no. His whole being, his soul. As if darkness reached out to him. Then the lights flickered back to their place, not quite as bright as they were, but a bit friendlier. The book he held in his hands just a moment before was now on the icy floor by his feet, opened on the page with the girl's picture on it. Kid felt too terrified to look at it again.

He wasn't alone. Someone or something else was still in the body, lurking, watching out. He didn't know what kind of monster it was, only that he wanted to stay away from it. He almost left the body, it took all his willpower to stay there. With shaking hands he put the books back to their place, wandering carefully through the library. He looked for anything that could be a threat, but he didn't see anything.

He stopped in the middle of a row, sighing uneasily.

"It's never that easy, huh…"

* * *

Shinichi wasn't sure what happened to him. In one moment he was walking through the living room, in the next he was… well, most probably blind. The complete, absolute darkness enveloped him like a thick blanket – no light came, no matter how hard he rubbed his eyes. So he tried to feel and hear instead, to at least have an idea about where he was.

And it didn't work, because none of it made sense. The air was humid and warm, like in a jungle, and as he moved his legs – apparently he was standing – he felt something like mud under his soles. He took a careful step forward, only to stumble on something that was like a root. His hands, seeking support, landed on something like a trunk of a tree, and in that moment, like a bizarre chain of deformed Christmas lights, bugs and insects buzzed and lit up around him, soaking everything in a sick green light.

Shinichi was right about the jungle, it seemed. Wherever he was, it did look like one, only it was much darker and depressing. But he couldn't see too far, a thick fog limited his vision quite badly. He didn't have to worry about that for too long though.

Birds, bizarre and terrifying creatures appeared among the oversized, grimy leaves. They barely had feathers, but the ones that still stuck to their blackened, scarred skin were rotting. Their eyes, in the various shades of yellow and orange, shone through the fog, and Shinichi felt as if they were staring right into his soul. Their beaks were broken, but looked threatening. Then, as if they all heard an order, they just jumped from the branches and started circling around Shinichi.

"… _I lied to her again…"_

"… _she died because I couldn't get there in time…"_

"… _am I even doing the right thing?"_

"… _I'm scared…"_

"… _I don't want to be in this body anymore!"_

So many things, all coming from the cursed throats of those bird-like creatures, and still, they all sounded like Shinichi. Exactly like him. He wondered what kind of trick this was, but the more he listened to them, the more afraid he was. Something told him that those were his thoughts, and that's exactly when he decided that he didn't want to hear more. He reached out to break down a branch of a tree to either beat those birds down, or at least make them go away. When the branch broke, pain flared up in his chest, but he ignored it for the sake of just flailing until the birds left him alone. Instead, they all just flew closer and attacked him – so he decided to run.

He stumbled over roots, got hit by branches, picked by birds, bitten by snakes, but he just tried to ignore it all and run as fast as he could. He wasn't proud of himself, of how scared he was, but his will to survive was stronger than any sense of shame that could settle in him.

And then he hit a wall. It wasn't made of stone, nor concrete, or any material he could recognize at first. It had an odd, dark green colour, and it was surprisingly warm – for a moment, Shinichi thought that it felt like flesh, but he quickly discarded the idea. No need to make this creepier than it is.

The birds seemed to stop around him, just like the snakes. They waited in a tense silence. And then Shinichi felt as if someone was invading his mind. Fingers reached into his head, into his brain, passing through what he knew, taking them and turning them upside down. Light flared up above him, and cold drops of water fell on his forehead.

"Someone… someone's in there…" he breathed out, as he looked up into the light. It felt so cool, like a blessing in the humid air of the jungle he was in, but something was still wrong with it. And then he spotted it – a figure, dark and tattered, walking in that light, looking through things that looked like books.

"GET OUT!" he screamed.

The jungle around him tensed for a moment, before the light of the bugs slowly, but surely died out. Shinichi slid down next to the wall, almost curling up, watching the monsters disappear. But before the darkness could fully embrace him, he saw one more thing: a pair of blue eyes, staring back at him. High pitched laugher came from somewhere, that made him shiver, but he kept his gaze on those eyes stubbornly. He didn't want to find out what would happen if he lost sight of them. No matter how hard he looked though, eventually they faded out too. But not before that same high pitched voice asked:

"Are you scared, Shinichi-niichan?"


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys~ I'm kinda antsy nowadays, but I hope that didn't affect this chapter ^^" But if feels rushed, I apologize. I'm just about to move to my apartment guys, I can't help it XD_

 _And guys, if you have any theories, ideas, anything for this story, please tell me about it, I'm suuuper curious what you guys think~ Love you all :3_

 _Please enjoy~_

* * *

Scared was an understatement. Shinichi felt as if terror itself grabbed his heart and struggled to tear it out of his chest. Every nerve in him screamed at him to escape, to get out, but he didn't know where was "out", or "in", for that matter. There was only darkness, so thick that he couldn't even see his own nose, let alone the jungle-like place he was in.

He curled up, hugging his knees close, and hoped that this nightmare would end soon. The wall behind him was gently pulsing against his back, letting out a familiar warmth. That was probably the only comforting thing in the hell he was pushed into – and if that relief was an odd, green wall that felt like living flesh (in the end, Shinichi couldn't perish that thought), that was saying something about the place.

He knew, he knew it well that he couldn't expect himself to find an exit if he didn't bother to look. But probably for the first time in his life, he didn't want to know the truth, he didn't want to chase it. He wished for no big revealing, telling him how this sick phantasm was part of a bigger plan, how it was a trap, or it was the organisation, or a feverish dream of his worn mind. He just wanted to be freed.

And that voice, the one that spoke to him before the lights faded out, it haunted him like monsters haunt children from under their bed. It sounded like… like the voice in his head, the one he usually thought with, the sound of common sense and deductions and emotions and gut feelings. This is how he identified it. But he also realized that he was somewhere wrong, because it was a child's voice, not exactly his. He felt something tugging at his chest, some uncertain recognition, something that was waiting for Shinichi to finally say what that voice was. But in that moment, in that important instant his mind was blank, and held nothing but the twisting mist of fear and confusion.

"You don't remember me?" asked the little voice from before, as if responding to Shinichi's thoughts. It was childish, playful, kind – everything that this jungle wasn't. "It's okay." Shinichi almost heard the smile in the voice, but before he could let his heart be filled with relief, he heard a breath just by his ear as the voice could be heard again.

"I'll make you remember."

Shinichi wanted to scream again, but his throat closed up. He felt as if he was choking on something.

* * *

So there was a monster in the mind of his body's occupant. So maybe it reached out and maybe, just maybe scared the shit out of Kid. Maybe that happened, but what mattered that it was still his body. Kid looked around the library with an odd expression that was mostly pursed lips and stubborn eyes – he would've looked comedic if not for that almost insane glint that his gaze showed. That body belonged to him, it was given to him by fate! No monster had the right to take it from him, and he was determined to prove it. Thus, he shook himself, and started walking around the library again to continue his little research and to perhaps find something about that beast.

Most of the ice thawed already – the water was quickly slipping through the cracks of the marble tiles on the floor luckily, instead of soaking the bookshelves. No matter what happened though, the books looked unharmed, not even the water relentlessly dropped on their cover and pages. They didn't look wet in the slightest. Kid just shrugged at that. If he was in someone's mind, he shouldn't be baffled by books that were simply water repellent. So he went on, looked through them, gathering information as fast as he could.

And then, as he wandered through the seemingly endless lines of shelves, he found himself in a completely different place. It was like… children's library. The shelves were small, but colourful, and so were the books – and all of them were labelled with the same handwriting he saw before. That got his attention. He saw wires among the shelves again, but these ones were loose and thin, weak, like a breeze would be enough to break it all. The light was dim and it flickered like it was about to go out

And in the middle of it all, Kid found other things. There was a small, bright red table, matching a child's height, and a small, wooden chair next to it. The table's surface was covered with papers, crayons, coloured pencils, felt pens… For a moment, Kid mistook the colourful lines and scribbles on the papers as drawings, but as he stepped closer, he realized how wrong he was.

Rather than mere drawings, they were accurate, realistic pictures, of places, of people, of objects… And next to them, though most of it was written with crayon, there was the description of everything, and all with the same neat, blocky handwriting too. Though the hands of the writer must've been smaller, clumsier, they were also swift and almost impatient. A hint, just a slight hint of emotion, but Kid latched onto it as if it was a lifeline – if he found emotions, he could find memories. Even if they were from childhood, it didn't matter.

"… _the woman was murdered with a knife that the culprit stole from the kitchen. It happened exactly at…"_

" _This is where the little girl was kidnapped. While the mother paid attention to her baby son, the little girl was grabbed and…"_

"… _because he believed that he would love him if he appeared brave in front of her. He set the house on fire…"_

"These are not memories… Where the hell are they then?" Kid grumbled, and threw the papers back on the table. But then one drawing still caught his eye. Mostly because most of it was black, coloured with those impatient lines and brushes of crayon. But in the middle of it all there were colours, bright, like flowers blooming in the night. There wasn't much written on the paper, in fact, it was only one word, but it made Kid stagger back from the table with shaky legs, until his back hit a bookshelf. He shivered and shook, and slowly sunk to the floor, staring at that one page from far away. A light breeze made the edge of it lift a few times, and Kid felt as if that lone drawing was mocking him.

One word, and it was out of context too. Kid didn't know why it had such a strong impact on him, he couldn't recall seeing that sight the drawing was supposed to show either, but as he repeated it in his head, then slowly chanted it to himself, as if it was a spell, he felt as if he was... watched.

"…fireworks…"

Kid then scrambled to his feet, ready to leave that children's library, but he spotted something on the table again. Under the stacks of paper, there was… something. There had to be, because the stack above it tilted oddly to the right, as if it all was placed on something uneven. So Kid walked over to it, stubbornly avoiding the page with the fireworks, and reached out. Maybe he expected something to bite his hand, he expected a burn, a curse, or something horrible to happen, so he squeezed his eyes shut, and took that thing from under the papers. When he opened his eyes again, and looked at his hand, he saw… glasses. A pair of black rimmed glasses.

"What the…" Kid watched them carefully, as if a beast would just pop out of them all of a sudden, but nothing happened. He even tried them on, but the world didn't change around him. So just ordinary glasses, he thought, and put them back where they were.

He felt… odd. Right after his hands touched those glasses, he felt like drowning. Something flared up inside him and it screamed "OUT!" in his head, but as quickly as it came, it disappeared, leaving only an uncomfortable feeling in his head. That sensation of being watched returned, this time twice as strongly. That's when he decided to leave the "child section".

He returned to the normal part of the library. The lights weren't quite as unforgiving, the ice and the water disappeared completely. But instead, moss appeared on the previously pristine looking walls, on the edges of bookshelves and on the marble tiles. Kid shook his head disapprovingly.

"Like going insane… But so soon?"

And right in that moment he heard something. The sound seeped through thick walls, and became quiet and ghostly, but it remained just clear enough for Kid – quick breaths broken by quiet, muted sobs. Someone was crying. Someone who wasn't Kid, and therefore he wasn't even supposed to be in that body. The beast…!

Kid stumbled, then ran towards the sound, until he reached a faraway wall of the library. It was already thickly covered with moss, but it was surprisingly warm, Kid realized, when he put his hand on it. He heard that sobbing again, and he realized how hysteric it sounded. Whoever that person was, they were going insane from whatever they saw or were going through.

"You made him cry. What kind of magician are you?" asked a familiar voice.

Kid turned around quickly, only to face himself. It wasn't quite his mirror image, true, as he wore casual clothes instead of a white suit, but it was him, no doubt. This weird clone of him looked at him with something like shame in his eyes, and with something like disappointment, and just the slightest hint of anger.

"You are dead." Kid blurted out. He couldn't help it, this was the first thing that came to his mind when he looked at the boy in front of him. It was somewhat obvious, but he couldn't help but to say it. His words echoed in the library, and they sounded so tragic, so final that Kid almost regretted even opening his mouth.

"So are you." he said coldly. "You are supposed to stay this way. We both are."

"What are you talking about?" Kid laughed loudly. It was a bit forced, but he didn't care. "I can't die, not when I'm supposed to… to kill Snake and his men and then-"

"You were only supposed to find Pandora and destroy it." He looked away after he said it. "We both failed."

"I didn't!" Kid exclaimed, and went on with some childish excitement. "With this new body I've found, I can still-"

"You can't. It's not yours."

"It's mine!" He screamed, not shocked in the slightest by the anger that suddenly flooded him. It was all natural, he was supposed to be and had every right to be angry after all. "It looks just like I did, it practically has my face plastered on it!

"Do you even know how you look like under that mask, those layers of make-up?" asked the other him with defiance.

"It was given to me!" Kid continued, ignoring the question. "Right after I died, this body just appeared in front of me. It was fate! How can it be not mine?"

"It belongs to someone else."

"It doesn't!

"You had no right to take it."

"I had every right to take it!" Kid screamed again, and took out his card gun. It wasn't supposed to shoot his clone. It wasn't supposed to be a real gun.

But it was, and the fresh, crimson blood splattered across the pure white marble tiles was the clearest proof of it. The boy in front of him staggered back, but his face showed no surprise, just sadness and even more disappointment.

"Dad… he would be ashamed to see you like this…" he whispered, and he disappeared.

Kid watched the place he stood at and the pool of blood with fear in his eyes. Every nerve was telling him how wrong, how foolish, how horrible and messed up he was, and he truly felt like it in that moment. Even the silent library seemed to judge him. He backed away until his back met the mossy wall behind him, and his ears focused on the sobbing on the other side again.

But Kid wasn't curious anymore. His mind only buzzed with one single thought, that that was the moment when he ruined everything.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sssssso. I'm not dead yet. I'm feeling close to it sometimes, but it's not the case yet, so hooray for me, I guess ^^"_

 _Sorry for the lack of updates, guys. I love you all._

 _Please enjoy~_

* * *

The first rule of possession goes like this: always be certain about what you want. And it made sense – how can you expect yourself to be strong enough to take over someone else's mind – no matter how weak or broken it is – if your own is just a whirling mess of shaky ideas? Kid was sure that he was doing a good job with that – his objectives were always clear, and the possessed body followed his orders just as it should've.

The second: be ready for everything. There's no telling which innocent-looking person might turn out to be a serial killer, a psychopath, a pervert, a sadist, someone rotten to the bone. Kid had his fair share of them too, seen so many things he believed that he was more than just ready. Fragments of a broken childhood, glimpses of torture, uncertain images of slaughter and blood, all of it tainted with red… Kid was numb to it. If being a ghost had one advantage, it was that he didn't feel so strongly about others anymore. His own sorrow sometimes felt like it would drive him crazy in seconds, but the suffering of others… It faded into the background, like an old, black and white photo that lost its contrast. And the voices blended together into an odd mess, where there was no telling what was speech and what was a scream, so Kid could move on just as he wanted to, moving pawns across the chessboard, then leaving them when he didn't need them anymore.

And don't forget your surroundings, or so said the third rule. Even if you struggle with a soul, even if you dig deep into memories, you must never forget where you are, and where the body is. Always pay attention to the outside world, even when you're in the deepest, darkest pits of one's mind. And that…. that was the rule Kid found himself breaking.

There he was, sitting with his back against the mossy wall with that sobbing… thing on the other side, still in the library. He could've gotten out, he should've too, but he just didn't want to move.. Numbness took over him – not the kind he felt when he was facing the ugliness of human nature, no. This one was like fear, a toned down version of it, that felt like ivy curling around his limbs, slowly immobilizing him. Sometimes he had to look down to make sure that it was just his imagination.

He lost his track of time – maybe minutes passed, maybe hours, maybe a day. He just sat there, not really waiting for anything, not thinking about anything. Whatever thought settled in his mind, it was incoherent, a mess. The beast could come for him and devour him there, maybe he wouldn't have even noticed it. His gaze kept wondering back to the blotches of crimson blood on the white marble. The scent reached his nose, crawled down to his lungs, to his stomach, until he felt like choking and throwing up.

The sobbing never ceased. It echoed in his ears stubbornly, as if it was mocking him. Don't you feel like crying too, it seemed to ask. Kid just shook his head each time. No. He didn't want to cry, not quite. He wasn't even sure what broke him down so suddenly – it had something to do with his clone, that was for sure, but other than that? It was just a clone, for all he knew, it could've been a trick the beast was playing on him and nothing more… But he did feel like it was something more. That ominous feeling that spread through his whole being when he shot that boy… And his words, too!

" _Dad… he would be ashamed to see you like this…"_

This is what he said. And wasn't it odd, really? Talking like he not only knew Kid, but also his father. What did that even matter? His father was…! He was…!

His mind was blank. Empty. Where memories of his father should've been, there was nothing. Well, nothing coherent, nothing that could be translated into normal sentences that would make sense. There were shades of red and orange, and flashes of pain – physical or emotional, Kid didn't know – but other than that… Just that blank space. Kid didn't like the way it made him feel, so he choose to forget about it as soon as he could. He had other things to deal with anyway. Like the beast, or that annoying sobbing on the other side of the wall.

And with that in mind, he stood up and turned to the mossy wall. The sobbing just got more hysteric, more frantic. "Get me out of here," it seemed to say now. "Get me out of here, I beg you." Kid let himself smile for a moment. Oh yes, he would've loved to help that stranger with getting out. Whether he got out in one piece or not, it didn't matter. Kid took a deep breath, and raised his fists, landing a strong blow on the wall.

"Hey! Won't you stop whining already?" He didn't feel the need to be polite, not with the beast, or whoever else decided to sneak in there. He might've been a thief, but he didn't appreciate burglars on his own territory.

Either from his shout, or the loud sound of his fist colliding with the wall, or possibly both, the sobbing suddenly stopped with a gasp from the other side. A few moments of silence came, and the only thing Kid could hear was the thundering heartbeat in his ears. And then a voice, eerily similar to his own, but not in the way the clone's voice was, someone asked from the other side:

"Kid? What are you doing here?" It sounded odd. It showed so many emotions, so many things about its owner, Kid couldn't even decipher all of them – there was fear, worry, hysteria even, but it also had pride, power in it, and no small amounts of curiosity and disbelief. But these were not the things that disturbed Kid the most. It was the way this stranger asked him. What he was doing there? Like it was something unbelievable, something impossible, when it should've been the most natural thing in the world, right after the fact that the Sun shines and the Earth is round. What insolence, Kid thought with a little, cruel smile.

"Who are you?" he asked. Not that it really mattered, since it looked like it wasn't the beast after all.

"Come on, Kid, don't play games, not now. Do you know where we are?" The voice spoke like he's known him for ages. Like he was…

And then it clicked. Kid wanted to smash his head against the wall for being this stupid, this slow, but he realized in time that it wouldn't help anyone. The guy on the other side was none other than the previous occupant of the body, Shinichi or whatever his name was. Kid chided himself for that, he wasn't supposed to forget the name of the guy whose body he took. But he managed to forgive himself pretty quickly. He had more important things to deal with. Like how on earth was this Shinichi guy still in there? Why wasn't he outside, floating around like the empty shell he was supposed to become after Kid possessed the body for good? Oh, how Kid wanted to shout at him, to demand an explanation, to punch a hole in the wall and shake the explanation out of this moron who decided to stick around despite the fact that he was clearly not supposed to do that…! He sighed. At moments like this, he needed to remember another rule of possession: always stay calm, no matter what happens. If you let the haze descend on your mind, you might as well leave the body behind. Possession required a strong mind – that was why the spirits of broken psychopaths could never stay around for too long. Kid knew that, he knew that already, but still! Another sigh. No. This isn't how it's going to be. He will stay calm, get the answers he needs, and then make sure that Shinichi disappears.

"So you don't know where you are?" he asked cautiously. The other boy's question did seem weird after all. Didn't he… feel where he was? He was supposed to, everyone Kid possessed before did too. Though he took their bodies only temporarily… Maybe it was different when he wanted to take it for good?

"No, I don't. Would I ask you if I did?" came the reply with a huff. Snarky, aren't you, Kid thought. Like the bastard wasn't sobbing his heart out a minute ago. But his voice was still shaky and tearstained, and that gave Kid at least a tiny bit of satisfaction. He needed to think about another thing though: should he tell him? He might not leave in peace, if he found out. Kid had to lie something, but without making the other realize what happened.

"You sounded less feisty when you were bawling your eyes out…" Kid said absentmindedly, as he was still debating with himself. The response he got was just a small yelp, one he was sure that Shinichi would deny later on with everything he had.

It would be nice to see what kind of place Shinichi was at, Kid thought. It would make lying a lot easier. He could get a better explanation to why they were separated by a wall too.

"So, Kid, where are we exactly?" Shinichi asked again. _No time to think, just lie something._

"You're-"

* * *

"-inside the heart."

Shinichi blinked. He was expecting Kid to continue, but the thief stayed quiet. He sounded so confident, so sure of what he was saying, but his words were cryptic at best, and that wasn't really what Shinichi needed at the moment. He'd welcome Kid's challenges and get to solve his riddles anywhere else, but this place… This place freaked him out.

He was crying, yes. Not anymore, as soon as he heard someone on the other side, someone he knew, someone harmless… his worries lessened, just a tiny bit. But he was still sitting in complete darkness, the sound of leaves and… other things he didn't want to think about were there, ten times louder in that silence. Kid's voice, though Shinichi would never admit it to him, was like a tiny light in the middle of it all. But even so, he wanted to get out of that place, and see the light with his own eyes. Eyes that were probably red from crying.

"The heart of what, exactly?" Shinichi asked uncertainly. He half expected some snarky answer from Kid, how it should be his job to find out, or something similarly cryptic, the other half of a riddle… but he heard nothing. Seconds passed, then a minute, two, three… No signs of Kid, not a sound. Silence, again, was creeping around him – Shinichi felt like he was suffocating. "Kid, can you hear me?" He asked, and he turned around to rest his palms against the wall. It was stone cold now – the kind, pulsing warmth gone like it was never there. Kid still didn't answer.

"I don't know what kind of sick joke this is…" Shinichi muttered under his breath, trying to sound angry, or at least annoyed, but he just wanted to break the silence. He was tempted to talk to himself. It didn't matter what he said, as long as he said something, as long as there was a voice that cut through this dead quiet, even if it was his own. He couldn't bring himself to do it though, not yet. If he started it… he might lose his mind soon. And he didn't want that. His mind was his only real weapon when everything else failed, the thing that saved lives and what stayed with him even when his world was turning upside down. He didn't want to let it go just yet.

And then the noises, the sounds of leaves and all the other things Shinichi didn't want to think about… they slowly, but surely died down. Stillness, complete stillness came. He held his breath too and didn't dare to move. He was scared, terrified to the core, by an enemy he didn't, couldn't see, desperate to wake up from this nightmare, but despite all that… he felt warmth. Flooding his whole body, washing over him like a wave. It was warmth and relief, the slightest hint of happiness and peace, sliding next to the confusion in his mind – he had so many questions, what, how, why…

A warm light - small and weak, but so inviting – sparked up and shone through the darkness. It was far away, behind the twisted, sick trees, oily leaves and the monsters that were hiding behind them, but… Shinichi wanted to go there. He needed to.

Someone was waiting for him.


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello people ^^ The next chapter of PA is in progress, but until then I wanted to reupload this chapter with minor changes. I hope that you guys will like it._

 _Please enjoy~_

* * *

The jungle was even bigger than Shinichi imagined. In fact, it seemed endless now, and the light he's been chasing so stubbornly never got any closer to him, even after hundreds, maybe thousands of footsteps. From time to time, he asked himself why he even bothered. His mind and his body were both getting weary, and the trunks of the threes, though slimy and smelly, seemed almost painfully tempting – he could almost feel it, letting his back rest against something, giving his legs a few minutes of peace.

But no matter how many times he imagined it, a small voice kept urging him to move forward, toward the light and "someone who was waiting for him." Who that someone was, and what they wanted – Shinichi had no idea. A part of him doubted that anyone was there. And if there was, it could be anyone – a stranger, a friend, or Them… Anyone. Maybe it would've been better for Shinichi to stay by the wall, in the darkness, even if he was only waiting for madness to claim his mind for good, with the constant buzzing of bugs in his ears.

He didn't try to figure out anymore where he was. The question was still there, in his mind, but he pushed it away. He didn't know why, after all, it could've been the only remedy to his approaching insanity, seeking logic, cause and effect in his situation. But he felt, not guessed or knew but felt, that the one truth he was seeking all the time won't await him there. It was as if the whole jungle was meant to make him give up on it, give up on the truth, the clarity, on his own mind. Maybe he was supposed to sink back to some animal-like state? That alone was enough to make him shiver, because there were times where the only thing he had was his mind – his only weapon and only shield. That thought was another stubborn one, burning in his mind, never letting itself to be forgotten. So Shinichi didn't, though he was close to it.

But even when he didn't try to find out where that jungle was, he kept wondering what that place was. He observed the trees and plants in his way, the ground under his feet, the sky-less darkness above his head… The birds weren't after him anymore to torture him with their hellish voice, and the snakes seemed to just shrink back from his steps, instead of lashing out to bite him. And it was good, because Shinichi wasn't sure if he could handle the onslaught of animals too along with the sights he witnessed. Everything, and it wasn't an exaggeration, literally everything around him had a green gleam. While simultaneously being grey. And being covered in reddish slime. Odd. Shinichi couldn't help but wrinkle his nose occasionally, since the plants had a distinct, rotting odour. Except for the flowers – they only smelled like rotten eggs. That, on its own was already ridiculous, but then he realized that there were plants that smelled like unwashed underwear, he realized that he kind of missed the simply rotting-smelling things.

All in all, this jungle he found himself in wasn't a lovely place at all. But, maybe as a reward for his suffering, Shinichi noticed that he, though only a little bit, got closer to the light. He even felt the warmth (he'd later find out that it was only his imagination, though). Apparently that was the only reassurance he needed, because now he could move on with a new sort of energy, suddenly being able to ignore all the terror the jungle had in store for him.

For now, nothing mattered, only reaching the glowing light in front of him, and that special someone.

* * *

By the time Shinichi could hear the growls, the light was so close that everything around him was swimming in a golden glow, that seems to purify the trees, the plants, but even the slowly decaying snakes and birds around him. The contrast is frightening, how those animal noises that don't sound welcoming or promising at all come from the that light as well, and Shinichi, not for the first time, was thinking about turning back again. He was also thinking about cursing his own stubbornness and the pain in this legs that pushed him forward because he didn't want all of this to be in vain.

The presence of that person who was "waiting for him" got stronger with every step he took now. Stronger and not so comforting anymore. It was no longer a relief in his solitude and fear, but maybe that very fear instead. Maybe it wasn't as much as a person as… a beast or some hellish creature, making those sounds, growling at him from a distance. But because even if he was scared, this gave him at least a purpose, something to do in the minds of this nonsense, Shinichi kept walking towards it. He had nothing else anymore. Kid was gone too, disappearing as quickly as he came, and now Shinichi had to wonder if it wasn't just a desperate attempt of his own mind to provide some relief. How desperate he had to be if he was reaching for Kid?

* * *

A miniature sun is what the source of the light looked like. It just floated among the tree branches, and shone gently – it didn't hurt his eyes at all. Shinichi never would've imagined that such thing can even exist, but there it was. Despite the fact that it resembled a sun, though, the white orb gave almost no warmth at all. It also had odd black spots on it that sometimes disappeared only to come back seconds later, even bigger than before. It was as if those things were eating up that sun. At that moment, though, it still shone brightly, masking the faults and horrors of the jungle.

But under the warm light Shinichi could finally see the source of all the uneasiness he felt, the fear, the malice… In the pool of something that looked like a mix of oil, mud, and blood, a small and entirely black body laid on the ground, curled up. It didn't even look like it was human… The limbs, four of them, were oddly bent, like they were broken, and when one of them moved, it even made a disgusting, cracking sound.

"What the fuck is this…" Shinichi muttered himself, and took a step back. A branch broke under his foot, and pain flared up inside his chest, making him wince.

The creature slowly raised its head, then tilted it to the side. It seemed to struggle with opening its eyes – probably with all the mud and… other things stuck on its face – but when it did, startlingly blue eyes stared back at Shinichi. They were both bright and dull at the same time – bright because how much they stood out from the rest of the black body, and dull because they had no life in them. And then, with probably the same amount of struggle, it opened its mouth, yellowish-blackish smoke coming from it, and white fangs standing out from the blackness again. The creature then shook itself, those chilling, cracking sounds following its every movement, before it – from the looks of it – managed to sit up. Shinichi wasn't really sure if sit was the correct word for its posture, since the sideways-backwards curl of its spine didn't make it obvious enough, while one arm stood stiffly upwards, and the other was somewhere behind the creature's back. The legs didn't look any more promising either – one was stretched out, right towards Shinichi, except it was bent to the side quite awkwardly, from the knee… It really looked like it was broken. The other was curled under its body, like a bony pillow to sit on.

Shinichi couldn't fight the full-body shiver that took over him, and he found himself unable to run away. All of his senses were screaming at him, but aside from the twitch of his hands, and the quick rise and fall of his chest, he remained motionless. So did the creature. At last, it opened its mouth again, letting out a quiet, high pitched noise. First it was like the blow of the wind, then meaningless gurgling, followed by incomprehensible syllables, before they finally made up real words.

"Long… time… no… see…" The monster moved, awkwardly shuffling closer to Shinichi while still sitting on the ground. As it did so, Shinichi noticed a piece of red cloth by its side, smeared by the mud. But the monster kept crawling towards him, and he had no more time to observe things.

He was running away again.

* * *

"-inside the heart."

Kid gasped as he heard the voice. It wasn't him, and somehow it still was. Someone, who sounded exactly like him, just went and told Shinichi the truth, even though Kid has just decided what a terrible idea it would be. At this point, Kid couldn't care less whether it was the beast or another soul who sneaked in – he was angry, and the person who interfered with his plans was going to pay. He knew how to make others see hallucinations, humans and ghosts alike, and if nothing else, he was going the scare the shit out of them.

But seriously, who the hell was it? Kid looked around, but he was still on his own in the library. Of course, he didn't expect some idiotic soul standing right beside him with a red flag and an "I'm right here!" sign, but he felt no presence, saw no apparition… It was a bit scary. It seemed that Shinichi's mind still had some surprises, and Kid had to realize how much he hated surprises like this.

Kid had to investigate. The word, for some reason, made him laugh, and a blurry memory about a little boy resurfaced in his mind. When he realized that it was just another image he couldn't do anything with, he choose to discard it, bury it so deep it wouldn't disturb him again. Yes, he needed to investigate, but before that…

The body has been unguarded for a long time now. If someone else found it, it could be problematic later on, and Kid didn't have enough information about the previous occupant of the body to crawl out of whatever mess he would get in. So, though reluctantly, he left the body for a while.

* * *

"What a fancy little mansion…" Kid murmured. The body was laying by his side, while he was looking around. He decided to cut it short, since he would have time to do it later, first he needed to take care of the body. Normally he would just take over it and walk over to the bedroom himself, laying it on the bed to make it look more natural, as if he just fell asleep, but now, with all the issues, he had to give up on that. His only option was to make it float over there. Which is going to look like it was straight out of a horror movie, so Kid was hoping that nobody would suddenly appear in the mansion. He had to be quick.

First he went to search the house on his own, trying to find out which room could be Shinichi's bedroom. If there were more – and with a huge mansion like that, he was sure that there would be – and he put the body in the wrong room, it would be weird again. He cursed at the stairs, grumbling to himself about how much he hated them when he had to make bodies float, but at least he found the bedroom he was looking for quickly. So he rushed back to the body, and got to work.

"Wow, you're light… do you even eat properly?" he asked, once the not so empty shell of Kudou Shinichi was floating about four feet high. It took him less than 5 minutes to reach his goal, and he huffed with a proud smile once everything was in place. He figured that he could leave for a few hours, since Shinichi was still shaken up and probably not in the position to take over again. Thus, he went to explore the mansion once again, this time paying attention to every little detail.

* * *

About three hours passed before Kid returned to the body – it was a little before midnight. Entering the mind was just as easy as it was before, but unlike last time, Kid now remembered not be fooled by it. He ended up in the library again, which was exactly like he left it – the ice gone, the wires loose, the lights dimmer, and the moss thickly covering the walls. Kid let out a relieved sigh after he saw that nothing changed. A sigh that turned into a terrified gasp when he turned around.

A boy was standing behind him. He wasn't hiding behind bookshelves or under tables, just standing there, waiting. For what, Kid didn't know.

And the little boy was crying. He didn't make a sound, just let the tears fall from his eyes, roll down on his puffy cheeks, and hit the marble floor. He made no move to wipe them away either. And it wasn't odd, Kid thought, to see a crying child in someone else's mind. Several people he possessed before had that image in their mind – identifying themselves with a crying child, unable to erase it. There could be a number of reasons for that, like rough childhood, some trauma, mental illness… Kid has seen so many crying children in people's minds that he became numb to it, because all they ever did was stand in one place and look at him helplessly. Kid wasn't the saviour they were waiting for, and he didn't bother to tell them that. Once he was finished, he left their mind, and left the children too, locked away in an adult's mind.

And he didn't think it made the mind of Kudou Shinichi boring, just because he had something so typical in there, like a crying child. Misunderstood genius, Kid wondered, and, if only for a moment, he wanted to step closer to the child, to see him closer, to even talk to him. Find the reasons – what made the original occupant of this body reach this state?

However, there was something different about this particular child. That wide, unnatural grin he wore. It didn't make him look happy, not even excited. It was just an odd arrangement of muscles, tugging on the corner of his lips, pulling them into a grimace. That was what frightened Kid the most. It was a grin of insanity. The grin of a predator, hunting down his prey. It was an odd expression on a child, but Kid learned long ago not to associate innocence with ghosts of children.

His eyes, narrowed into slits of bright blue, were surprisingly dull. Fading, flickering, like… Kid gulped. Like the lights in the children's library. And the boy was wearing the glasses he found there. It looked wrong on him, again, out of place, like so many things, and Kid wanted to laugh, but the air got stuck in his throat when he tried. One foot hesitantly stepped backwards, as the child's presence simultaneously seemed to push him away and pull him in, and the sole of his shoes squeaked against the mossy marble.

In the next moment the child was gone, as if he was never there.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello, everyone~ Thanks to some miracle, I managed to finish another chapter of this~_

 _Please enjoy~_

* * *

Fatigue was rolling over Kid in waves. He spent an afternoon and a night with the body, trying and failing to take control over it. From the very beginning, whenever he tried to enter, he ended up in the library, and he couldn't go anywhere else. Even if he had plenty to explore there, none of it would help him to take over. It was as if he was locked into a guest room (though it was a guest room with lots of information about the owner), and he wasn't allowed to go anywhere else. The body didn't listen to him, his commands were useless, so it laid, uselessly, on the bed, while Kid wore himself out inside. A mix of frustration, disappointment and fear creeped into him – yes, fear too.

His soul was at risk everytime he was in the library. The beast, if it even existed, that strange child, even Shinichi himself, they all could be dangerous to him. He knew that the moment any of them managed to control, to corrupt him, he could kiss his dreams of living goodbye. He still had a chance now, strong and clear, filled with human emotions that tied him to the world of living, but he needed to be fast. Eliminate all danger in that body, or look for another.

But, and this is where Kid's stubborn nature kicked in, he didn't want another. This body, it belonged to him. It was his right to own it, use it, to rule over it. He knew that he wouldn't be so lucky again, to find another that looked just like his old one did – it all had to be fate. If fate was just playing a cruel joke on him, dangling this new chance at life in front of his nose before snatching it away, he would fight and defy that fate. He had the power to do it.

But even so, he wanted to rest. Not in the sense of passing away, of course, just a little break, just the slightest bits of normalcy before he dove back in and started all over. He wasn't afraid of challenge, of change, he never was, not before death and not after it, but there was a difference between being a human and having to fight only humans and… well, being a soul without a body. It gave him a little relief though that what he considered normalcy was still mayhem to others.

It was time to organize a heist.

* * *

It was all just a nightmare, Shinichi thought. Oddly enough, he woke up in his own bedroom, on his own bed, as if all he saw, the jungle, that black abomination and the rest of the monsters were just bad dreams. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes – he probably just collapsed on the bed and fell asleep. His head did hurt a little bit, and he wondered if he really was getting sick.

It was still early morning, long before he would have to leave for work. So, after looking around, inspecting his room and deciding that everything was fine and normal, he went to take a shower, got dressed, and took his time enjoying his coffee. He didn't exactly feel refreshed, but it was still better than what he felt in the past days with his permanent fatigue and the starting symptoms of what was apparently going to be a cold. He even attempted to make breakfast, and though it turned out horribly, he ate his food with a sense of accomplishment. _Ran would be proud_ , he thought, before the food suddenly felt bitter in his mouth. _It's better not to think about that now._

So he didn't. Instead, he gathered all he needed for work and left the house. It was fine if he arrived early – ever since he returned, he tended to do that.

* * *

The sound of chatter filled the briefing room, as people gathered and took their seats. Shinichi stood by the window, waiting for the start to sit down. Until then, he wanted to enjoy the fresh air, and will away his headache. It appeared that the slightly good mood he had in the morning faded away completely, and it wasn't even noon yet. His still steaming cup of coffee did little to chase away the setting in fatigue, and he already knew that the briefing would just take more out of him.

The case that they were about to discuss had been going on for too long. It looked so easy back then, just a series of robberies, and it was all in the hands of Division Three. They were just about to catch those men when someone got killed, and Division One got involved. Ever since then, they've been chasing the culprits, but the more they found out, the more questions they had. Even with the joined efforts of the two divisions, the men they thought to be amateurs kept slipping away, no longer sticking to just thefts. As if they got addicted to blood once they tasted it. And it started when Shinichi was still Conan…!

"Ten months, huh?" As Shinichi turned around, he saw Takagi standing by his side. The man wasn't looking at him, instead he watched the other people slowly filling the room. "It feels like this has been going on for more than ten months."

"Yeah, it sure feels like it," Shinichi muttered.

"Thought you've been with us for only for five…" Takagi added with a small smile. Shinichi winced, annoyed at himself for the little slip. He also had to remind myself to be less casual with the other man – after all, he might've been friends with Conan, but not with him. It was a shame that Shinichi had to start all over, since Takagi was a good person. But maybe he still had a chance…

"It still feels longer than that," Shinichi said, trying to fix his mistake. Takagi seemed to buy it, as he gave him another smile, trying to comforting. It actually worked, if only a little bit. Takagi was just great like that, apparently, Shinichi thought.

"I feel a little worried, though," the man started, chewing on his lips and frowning. "It's not much, but… this is the first time they bothered to hide the body. I wonder why."

"They choose a rather odd way to hide it, too. First keep it in that warehouse, and then set it all on fire… There could've been many other ways to do it, and they would've been a lot more subtle. There's a chance that we wouldn't have found that body it all if not for the fire."

"But Division Three had their suspicions about that place already."

"No, they were too uncertain." Shinichi cut in sharply, before noticing himself. He sent an apologetic look to Takagi before he continued. "There were other places they were suspicious about, yet they didn't make a move…"

"We tend to be more careful than Division One," another voice cut in.

"Good morning, Hakuba-kun." It still surprised Shinichi to see the Brit there, even though he knew that he tended to work together with Division Three when he wasn't chasing Kid around, and that he was involved with that case too.

He was another person Shinichi had to start all over with. He wasn't that close to Conan, they didn't meet that often, but he still was back at zero after coming back. Their shared love for Sherlock Holmes was a good starting point, as their enthusiastic rants about their hero more and more often turned into something else and they got to know each other easily. But of course, it never was that easy, as Hakuba had the tendency to be suspicious of things and people. Namely Conan. Shinichi sometimes found himself answering questions that were aimed at the weakest points of Conan's excuses and Shinichi's explanations, and they were so carefully phrased that one wrong word and Hakuba could've found out everything. He often felt trapped when talking to the Brit.

To Shinichi's luck, the briefing was starting, though, so they didn't get the chance to talk more. He wasn't sure if he could've avoided all the traps laid out for him that day.

The beginning was just the usual – greetings and summing up what they already knew. Shinichi only half listened, saving his energy for later, when they would hear about the body found in the warehouse.

Takagi felt it too, that something changed. All the previous murders, they seemed to be done in the heat of a moment, with some animalistic emotion taking over the murderer. Blood splattered all over the crime scene in almost all cases, and the victims were often just mutilated. But the person in the warehouse, he was shot – and with a sniper rifle too. That was a sign of coldness, a clear mind. Either the body wasn't connected to the robberies, or… Shinichi shuddered. They could've gotten new allies.

"Yamada-kun, if you could." A man with sandy blonde hair stood up, and that was Shinichi's cue to finally pay full attention. If they called for Yamada, it meant that they identified the body.

"Yes. With the dental records and examining skeletal injuries, we've determined that the body found in the warehouse belongs to Kuroba Kaito-

A porcelain cup shattered on the floor, sending scalding hot tea everywhere. Hisses of discomfort came, and in the middle of it all, Hakuba sat with an ashen face. His eyes were wide and fearful as he stared at Yamada, though Shinichi had a feeling that he wasn't really seeing him – his gaze was too unfocused and unclear for that. Finally, after long moments of silence, he took a shuddering breath, and asked: "Are you sure it's him?" Yamada lifted an eyebrow at that, cleared his throat, and spoke up.

"Yes. Like I said, the dental records and-"

"Are you absolutely sure that it's him?" Hakuba gripped his left hand with his right tightly, and his eyes grew icy cold. His voice was weak and quiet.

"Yes," Yamada said after a moment of silence.

"Hold on, isn't he that boy that disappeared two months ago?" Someone asked. Hakuba nodded slightly, though it looked like he was just bowing his head instead. Another moment, and he stood up.

"Excuse me." And with that he hurried out of the room.

The briefing went on after that, but Shinichi often found himself looking at the gap that was Hakuba's seat. He wanted to go after him, but they weren't that close yet, and he wasn't sure if the Brit would appreciate it. Still, he knew that the ashen expression Hakuba wore would burn itself into his memories forever.

A few hours after that meeting, Shinichi saw Hakuba again. His face showed a deadly calm, to the point that it looked unnatural. His gait was slow and careful, yet he looked pitiful more than anything.

Before he knew it, Shinichi stumbled forward to the Brit.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Hakuba only blinked at him, as if he didn't understand the question.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" And that was the moment when Shinichi felt immensely grateful for being able to hide how unimpressed he was. It was all just bullshit, seriously. He knew very well who Kuroba Kaito was, or at least what he meant to the Brit. He's seen how the other has been on edge ever since Kuroba just disappeared without a sign two months ago. He wanted to say something in that moment, to show support, to be there for the other, and yet, he kept hitting that wall constantly, the wall that was built by his return as Kudou Shinichi.

In the end, he couldn't say a word. Nakamori's angered shout that they both knew all too well echoed from the lower floor, and Hakuba ran.

* * *

A full day passed before Kaito woke up again. The gunshot that didn't leave a wound was a dull pain in his chest, and as he opened his eyes with a soft gasp, it reminded him of many things. He remembered that face, the image of the spirit who shot him. He remembered shouting, words that were thrown at him, and his own quiet voice, echoing in a place that didn't belong to him.

He didn't even know where he was, and he wasn't sure if he had the right to find out. Something told him that he wasn't so careful before, but now that carefulness was all that guided his steps. He was dead now, just like that other spirit said, the other one who was like him, who was supposed to be him, and yet… Kaito shook his head, slowly, with the pace of an old man, and he wondered if death can age people like life does. In the end he came to the conclusion that it cannot, because death wouldn't have left him there – death would, as it does with everyone, take him away from this world. He was like this because he kept on "living" after he died.

So he sighed and stood up, feeling wondrously solid and real again, something he hasn't felt in a long, long time. He looked around, with a small spark of curiosity in him again, and noticed that the room he was in was a place he's never been to before. It didn't look out of ordinary, neither magical nor otherworldly – in fact, it was reassuringly normal. The furniture – desks, shelves, chairs, armchairs – looked average too, in varying shades of blue and grey. The chaos and clutter on them that consisted of several sheets of papers, photos, discs and cassette tapes were a bit more interesting, but even those didn't suggest anything supernatural. Disturbingly enough, Kaito didn't see any doors or windows, or anything else that could be a connection to the outside world. And then he realized – in a place like this, there was no need for that.

With a sudden clarity, the events of the past two days came back to him, hitting him like a train, and he fell to the ground, clutching at his chest where the heart is, and his breath came out as ragged gasps. The fire, Kid screaming, firefighters and the police, cops prodding at the charred remains of his body, the boy who looked like him… And the moment that boy was possessed. He remembered that crazed joy-like feeling that swept through Kid at that moment, he felt it awfully clearly. Kid wanted to possess that body for good, to get a new one, to start a new life, to fulfill whatever foolish and disturbing mission he envisioned for himself. There would be bloodshed, and an innocent soul would have their body and their name stained by crimson just because Kid decided to be a judge. And Kaito failed to stop him. He felt something bitter bubble up in his chest, the feeling for once not coming from Kid. Frustration. His own weakness and helplessness, that's what frustrated him the most, his inability to save an innocent soul from possession. The need to fix his mistake gave him power, the will to break out and find out if he could still help.

The first step to help was to help himself, though, and to find out where he was. Even if it felt wrong to sniff around, he did it with a good reason. That's why he could stand up again and look around more curiously, more cautiously, the same way he used to look around during… He shuddered. Thinking about heists was not a good idea at the moment. He tried to focus on his surroundings instead, inspecting the walls and the floor too, hoping to find some passage. When he didn't succeed, he checked the ceiling too, but there was nothing hidden behind the plain faded blue paint. He checked behind the armchairs, then under them, and under all the other furniture too. That didn't seem to work either, though. The room appeared to be completely sealed and isolated.

Kaito turned towards the desks again. What could be so important that it would have to be protected so much? He stepped over to the closest desk, looking over the various pictures thrown across it. They didn't seem to be in the best condition, some of them faded completely from the white paper, and even the best ones were shaky and unclear, as if someone was really clumsy with the camera. Kaito picked one up to look at it from closer, but the moment he did, he felt like he was standing somewhere else – and like he was someone else's body, too.

The world felt so huge around him as if he was in the world of giants. He was outside, it seemed, surrounded by trees and… was it a playground? It seemed to be. The swings and the various odd things to climb on, all painted with cheerful colours and they gleamed as the sun shined down on them. His footsteps were swallowed by the wildly growing, emerald green grass. He heard laughter from behind him, so he turned around, and he noticed that his heart was beating wildly with excitement he couldn't find the reason for. He felt childlike joy inside himself, and that's when he realized: he was a child, then. It would explain the suddenly large world around him too. He was playing tag with other children, except… the things that were chasing him were only shaky, shadowy shapes, blurry images of what his playmates supposed to look like.

In that moment, it all ended and he was back at the room he woke up in, holding the picture with a dazed expression. He dropped it on the desk, looking at it with worry as if it just burned him. He reached out again, this time more carefully, and took another picture that was in a slightly better shape. And just like with the first one, it happened again.

He felt somewhat different, though. His body, again, appeared to be small, maybe even vulnerable, but the place he was at didn't look so friendly anymore, and the feeling in his chest wasn't a happy one either. He looked down to the ground, and saw a man lying at his feet. The sight filled him with so much terror that he couldn't even move. Fear gripped his heart, the fear of something he couldn't understand yet. To his left, another man was crouching, occasionally humming to himself, but always looking straight ahead with sharp eyes.

As if he was underwater, Kaito's mind supplied that the man lying in front of him was dead, but that thought was hard to hear from beneath the waves of terror that took over him. The sight of the crouching man calmed him somewhat, and after a while he just decided not to look down anymore. He stepped back, stubbornly keeping his head high, watching the buildings, the trees and even the sky.

He smelled something awful, too. His nostrils were just filled with it, and he felt like choking. A moment later, he realized that it was coming from the bright red pool under the body, and the tiny crimson puddles all over the place. Again, Kaito's mind tried to step in, saying that it was the smell of blood, and, again, it was awfully hard to hear.

Another person showed up, face set in a serious frown, as he approached the crouching man.

"Did you find something?"

"Nothing special. He was stabbed in the back, and most probably didn't see who attacked him. He didn't put up a fight either."

"Hmm… By the way, shouldn't you do something about…" He trailed off, as he looked at Kaito with an uncertain expression. The other man turned around, looking at him too. Bearing their gaze felt so difficult, even though he knew that they meant no harm.

Then the man who was crouching stood up and walked over to him, then patted him on the head.

"It's going to be over soon." Kaito felt some relief at that, knowing that he would be protected. He felt as if he was close to this man.

The scene ended the same way as the first one, so suddenly as if he was just torn out of it and thrown back that room. The uneasy feeling slowly faded away, as Kaito looked around, reassuring himself that he was fully back, and he put down the picture.

The other photos worked most probably the same, he assumed, and he looked over the sea of desks, all of them almost drowning in the heaps of different images.

Memories. They had to be memories, and they all belonged to the person Kid possessed, the person who looked so freakishly similar to them. All the things he saw, heard and felt in his life, they were here, collected in one room.

Kaito had no right to be there.

Surely enough, he didn't even want to be there, he rather wished to finally pass on, but it didn't make him feel less guilty about intruding. After all, he just gazed into the mind of this person he didn't even know, without their permission! He was lucky, both of them were, that he only saw two childhood memories that hopefully didn't mean too much. But what if he grabbed a different picture? A different memory? One that was personal, intimate even, one that showed that person's wildest dreams, deepest fears, what then?

And what if… Kaito gasped, and stepped away from the desk in horror. Those memories let him taste life again, and he… he wanted it back, if only for a moment. He growled and slapped himself, feeling angry with himself beyond measure. So angry that he could feel the phantom beats of a heart inside, thudding furiously, while his hands, solid, too solid, shook with unrestrained fury. Kaito gasped. This was no good. The anger turned into fear, that gripped his non-existent heart with an iron claw, and he felt cold, so cold all of sudden, while his stomach twisted into a dozen knots, and his lungs didn't seem to take enough air in.

It felt too real, too alive. He, himself, felt too alive. These feelings, they were too strong, too intense for a dead spirit like him, for a creature that was just waiting to pass on, all his emotions, wants, needs washed away. He was supposed to be pure, pure enough that the two of them, Kid and himself, would be still able to pass on, once the other stopped trying so hard to chain himself to this world. But he had to wait for too long, because Kid was stubborn as a mule, and now was feeling, he had needs and wants again… He wanted to live again…!

Kaito collapsed on the floor once again, overwhelmed by the revelation. He kept hitting his head, hoping that it would make all his stupid ideas go away, but instead, he just felt pain as his solid fists collided with his solid skull, and the hard floor hurt his solid knees.

* * *

 _MOAR NOTES~_

 _So. I've made a few mistakes while writing this story. The first chapter mentions that the police already knew the identity of the burned man in the warehouse, even while just investigating at the crime scene. Which is kind of impossible, as the body was completely charred, but I didn't realize that I messed up so badly. Now the first chapter is edited, I deleted those parts, while changing nothing else. I'm terribly sorry for this, I hope that I won't mess up next time!_

 _Thank you all for your patience and kindness, I really appreciate it. I can't answer the messages because of private life issues, and I'm sorry, but I hope that I'll be better soon so I can talk to all you lovely people. Until then, have a wonderful day! ^^_


End file.
